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The Warm-Up: Manchester United are just as toilet as Chelsea

The Warm-Up: Manchester United are just as toilet as Chelsea

12/08/2019 at 17:43Updated 12/08/2019 at 19:25

Plus, Joelinton looks a pwoper player, Jose Mourinho's joke not a joke and Frenkie de Jong is a top student of the game.


United got the rub of the green

You can only beat what's in front of you and all that, init. For whatever reason, Frank Lampard, who for reasons The Warm-Up can't fathom must be referred to at all times by his full name of Frank Lampard, elected to not put much in front of Manchester United.

For some reason, Frank Lampard - he got an A* in Latin GCSE, you know? - decided to begin his first match in charge of Frank Lampard's Chelsea FC against Manchester United at Old Trafford with a World Cup winner in Olivier Giroud and a 55-odd million quid player in Christian Pulisic on the bench. In their stead were two lads who did a fairly decent job in the Championship last season.

Now Tammy Abraham and Mason Mount are undoubtedly talented players but should both be starting against a potential top four rival? Absolutely not but Frank Lampard has an A* in GCSE Latin and is a club legend - thus he won't be derided for Lampy-ball. Put simply, Frank Lampard had an absolute selection stinker in his first match in charge of Frank Lampard's Chelsea FC in the Premier League.

And, yet, despite that they were unlucky to go down 4-0 against United. For large swathes early on Chelsea were better than United; they hit the post twice in the first half. That's not to say they were good, they were just better than United, who, for a club of their standing and wealth, have somehow managed to go into the new season with, bar Paul Pogba, a distinctly average midfield.

A four-goal win looks good on paper but, truth be told, United are not much better than Chelsea. However, got the key breaks at the key moments - rub of the green and all that.

There were of course positives for United: Aaron Wan-Bissaka and Harry Maguire had sound debuts and Daniel James came off the bench to score but, truth be told, United are as far away from challenging for the title as Chelsea are.

Video - Predicting the Premier League table… in 65 seconds


Jose Mourinho's Man City B joke reflects the sorry state of modern football

Asked how many teams could win the Premier League, Jose Mourinho instantly replied:

"Four. Man City, Tottenham, Liverpool and Man City B team."

Loooooooool (laugh out out out out out out out out out loud, in case you were wondering!)

But the lad had a serious point, as he continued:

"When I looked at the bench yesterday, the players not involved I think even the B team could fight the title."

And he is probably right. And it is an utter disgrace. How has it come to pass that clubs are in effect stockpiling players? How can City have the best - granted aging - holding midfielder in the league and then drop £60 million on another in Rodri? It makes a mockery of competition; a complete mockery of it. West Ham put out probably their best XI in 10 years and took a five-goal pasting. Something needs doing.

Joelinton display will please Graeme Souness

Graeme Souness is not a fan of "pretty little passes", which is fair enough if that's your thing. Seems a little closed minded but each to their own Graeme.

For the Warm-Up variety is the spice of life and all that, and was hugely impressed by the variety in the game of Newcastle United's record signing Joelinton.

For Joelinton very much looks like the perfect marriage between physicality that Graeme loves and the technical finesse that is *actually* required to succeed in the Premier League.

Imagine if Mike Ashley had actually bought players of that ilk for Rafa Benitez.


Hero: Frenkie de Jong

Lavishly talented but an absolute grafter too - as the kids say: you love to see it.

Zero: These jokers

The Warm-Up can't jive so the Warm-Up doesn't jive. These clowns can't play out from the back so shouldn't play out from the back.

As the kids say, you hate to see it!


The Warm-Up is anti absolutely every club and human being so can't be biased against any one person or club. So, while it might seem like the Warm-Up is putting the boot in to Manchester City, it is not.

This is just a very good read:


There is no domestic football. However, fear not, the Neymar to Barcelona/Real Madrid saga will take another twist.

To take you through all that excitement and writing tomorrow's Nick Miller's Warm-Up will be Nick Miller.